critically indecisive.

i keep posting things! which i guess is a nice change from me forgetting i have a blog at all.

okay. so i was creepin around today, which tends to happen when i have homework out da yang and no desire to do any of it.

the weather is amazzzzzzing. it's not all gray anymore though but i guess its okay since there's sunshine out da yang! i really like that. out da yang. anyways.

sometimes i wish that i would wholeheartedly go for things that i want as opposed to sometimes begrudingly listening to my parents and/or listening to my cheap ass self. what are you being cheap about now, you may ask. i'm not being stingy about the normal things like clothing or school supplies or gas per usual. i am being cheap about school.

my senior year, i didn't even bother to apply ut. i'm not sure why, it was probably a combination of sad self confidence and the fear of being crushed by debt. thus, all freshman year i didn't really party or really get involved in any organizations. i spent most of my days/nights studying or sleeping or eating, all so i could apply ut for my sophomore year.

FINALLY, i got my acceptance letter into ut in july. however, for some questionable reasoning, i decided not to go to ut and to attend uta instead. i think the buildup of my reasoning was 1) i would graduate without debt and 2) i get to be closer to home.

okay those are actually valid reasons hahaha nvm. i take back my "questionable reasoning". howevs, sometimes (often) i wonder what if i had just gone to ut for my sophomore year. then i wouldn't have to be wondering about it all the time and i think i'd love it there. howevs, (yet again) part of my mehness comes from my parents hating the fact that i might be 4 hours away and if (god/buddha/general omnipresent powers) forbid, something were to happen to my fams, i couldn't be able to forgive myself.

people talk about the catholic guilt a lot. but really, the buddhism/slight tendency towards general religions guilt that really bites you in the ass. then again, i'm not blaming my inability to choose/decide life paths on my parents. i'm juss sayin, they are not making it any easier. also, while i'll probably end up finishing up my undergrad at uta, i could see myself living as a broke graduate in austin. we shall see.

god, this weather is making me crazier than usual.

to self.

lately, i've been thinking seriously about my future and what's going to happen after i finish my undergrad degree. i've been wondering if i'm sure about being an anthropology major.

since my freshman year, i've taken 3 anthropology classes and am working on 3 more this semester. every single teacher in anthro has been so incredibly passionate about their careers and the material they're teaching. it's (sadly) so out of the norm for me to encounter this so it forces me to question my own decisions.

all through high school, i've rarely ever felt excited to learn something new. math, history, english and physics were just so boring to me and really just a chore. it's not because i'm awesome at them, because i am definitely not (esp math), it's just because i felt like i didn't want to sit down and read about them and feel happy about it. don't get me wrong, i had really great teachers in some of those subjects and i do like english. it just seems to have lost a sense of adventure about it, at least to me in high school. then i took art as a higher level. i realized that i love it more than anything i've ever done and that i was actually capable of working hard if it was towards something i love.

anthropology (namely with reference to gender studies) is my new love. i find myself actually wanting to learn and take as many classes as i can. that's something relatively new to me and so what if when i graduate, i will probably be broke as fuck? this is a cliche, but i'd rather be broke as fuck and doing something that i love and am so passionate about than shitting pots of money and miserable and counting down days to vacations i'll never take.

besides, mcdonald's has a value menu and i have a giant piggy bank full of pennies and old chuck e. cheese coins.

hey there, sweaty faced girl.

i am a constant victim of the shiny face striker. what is that? exactly what it sounds like. in situations where people perspire (say, walking to and from class through a GIANT parking lot), i tend to get shiny faced from sweat more than what i assume is normal.

every i.d. card picture i have, my forehead is reflecting the light from the flash. i am a living/walking/talking beacon for awkward sweaty faced kids.

*these following pictures are actually awkward themselves. though i am usually an asian girl, apparently i am black on my ids.

since i haven't gotten my parking sticker in the mail, i'm forced to put up a receipt every day. after walking across a giant bridge from the parking lot to campus (i estimate it's about a mile but my sweaty ass is probably exaggerating), i realized i forgot to put my sticker up! so i must trek back. then forth. i am then sweating buckets! i then sit by a cute boy while playing "We Didn't Start the Fire" by billy joel. he kept looking over and laughing and i assume it's about 1. my sweaty face or 2. he's trying to play cute with me in a strange fashion in which he is only missing a fan to play coy behind. it wasn't either of those, i just didn't realize my music was on so loud. 19 year old sweaty girl blasting billy joel? LOLZFEST.

honesty.

i dread signing into emails, blog commenting, buying useless crap online.

why?

not because i dislike emailing, blog commenting, or useless crap! it's because of the word verification tests that check to see if i'm a mindless robot out to buy 50 cases of j. lo sized fake booty butt pads.

damned word verification aka captcha! it takes me about 10 minutes to decipher the symbols and after about 30 tries. it's a hidden shame.



damn you, captcha. you did me dirty.