grievances.

i'm not saying it's the most important thing in my life or that it's of utmost importance, but if you feel the need to say something then own up to it and do it well. esp when someone else is depending on you.

if you find you can't do it, then own up to that too! instead of stringing me along while simultaneously flirting online. so yeah, i'm putting your ass on blast assuming you can figure out who you are. please don't dickride me and everybody else, then shit on your responsbilities. if you feel the need to do that, kindly jump off my nuts and we'll be done with it.

truck nuts.

i'm writing an anthropology paper on truck nuts and the people who buy them.

strangely, i can't make myself stay on task. if writing an essay about truck nuts isn't enough to keep my interest, what has my life come to?

meg cabot flavored rant.

i really love reading funny murder mystery books. you might be saying, how can a book be murder filled and be funny?

well, it mostly cannot. the books, my guilty pleasures, are cheesy as hell. they also have a weird culinary reference most of the time.

my favs are by nancy fairbanks and they center on a culinary writer who finds herself in the middle of food flavored murder scenes/crimes all the time! i guess i just love food so much that i must interject it into most aspects of my life. even those really embarrassing aspects.

anyways! when i was in middle school, girls used to read books by meg cabot all the time. so i decided to pick up a meg cabot book named "size 14 is not fat either". i only got to the second page before i couldn't handle anymore.

i'm used to really cheesy dialogue and cringing while avidly reading when i'm imbibing in these types of books but dayummmm meg cabot.

her character, former pop tart heather wells, was enduring the blistering cold blah blah blah. so she kept talking about how the grocery stores are closing up because of the cold and how there aren't any people on the street.

except drug dealers. she says "and still the drug dealers are out in full force...i guess that just goes to show that we americans still have a lot to learn from our hardworking immigrant population."

i had to keep reading this sentence over and over and i kept thinking "wait, what? is this racist? wtf ? WTF MEG CABOT, WRITER OF CHEESY TEEN NOVELS EVERYWHERE?"

and you know what, it totes is. maybe not racist per se but horribly offensive. but would it be racist? because i can assume that "immigrant population" is pointed at certain races obvi. so what meg cabot's trying to say is that americans should look up to immigrants because we're such intense drug dealers that we even work in the snow?

so i stopped reading her book. it might be perceived as a very small reason but i guess to me, i can't agree with her, however small, dig. by reading her book, i feel like i'd personally be doing just that.

Being That Girl: The Femi-Bitch Edition

I wake up generally early. Doing so, I turn on the tv at around 10 am and start watching The Doctors due to lack of cable and morning awareness. The premise of the show is to have four doctors from four different specialties who give medical advice via tv. The most outspoken doctor is a hot little thang named Dr. Travis Stork, who is the very epitome of the "I Want to Marry a Doctor" fantasy. Here he is.



However, once Doctor Douche started to speak, all of his doctorsexy went flying out of the proverbial window. He has a strange frat boy twang and usually makes awkward jokes at the expense of poop and ovaries and has smugface! grunt. Worst of all, he portrays himself as an expert on women, relationships and what we're doing wrong.



So Dr. Douche has a book out called "Don't Be That Girl: A Guide to Finding the Confident, Rational Girl Within". In it, he tells women to not expect to see the man you're dating on fridays/saturdays for the first few months. Also, don't expect to be given a drawer at his apartment and don't demand it either. What else? get the ring in 18 months or leave the guy!

Here's where my femibitch kicks in. This guy was on The Bachelor. You know, the show where one guy dates 25 women at once and the women shit themselves for a chance to be given a rose. Dr. Douche stated he went on The Bachelor to find a wife, marry, and have a perfect life. All within the compressed time capsule that is The Bachelor's set in a romantic place with 25 beautiful women all vying to play doctor with him.



How is it that he can make out with multiple women who catfight in the house all day and then claim he's so in love with yet again, multiple women? He was on a show that not only pits women against each other but puts the man in such a position as to have his pick of the litter. Then he goes on to write a book basically telling ladies to not do what was seen on the very show that gave him his initial fame.



In the end, everybody has a sense of what they should and should not do. I can't tell you what will bring a man around and what will repel him like last week's dirty diapers because who am I to say that? But being happy with who you are and where you are is always good advice. Also, even if the men don't come flocking around, shit. At least you're still happy.