honesty.

i dread signing into emails, blog commenting, buying useless crap online.

why?

not because i dislike emailing, blog commenting, or useless crap! it's because of the word verification tests that check to see if i'm a mindless robot out to buy 50 cases of j. lo sized fake booty butt pads.

damned word verification aka captcha! it takes me about 10 minutes to decipher the symbols and after about 30 tries. it's a hidden shame.



damn you, captcha. you did me dirty.

current obsessions:

1. kate lanphear

for a while now, i'll read/creep anything relating to lanphear, the senior style director of elle. she has an online cult following because (reverting to my 8th grade self) she's just REALLY COOL. i joined her fb fan page.

2. frozen yogurt

i'm not sure what it is about frozen strawberry+banana yogurt topped with more strawberries and blueberries but i'm in love. i think it all started with the pinkberry theme song becky and i used to sing in our dorm room late at night. "sorry ice cream, i'm dreamin of a different dessert..."

3. blindingly bright nail polishes

what can i say? i love to unleash my inner flamboyance while simultaneously blinding passerbys and acquaintances.

4. my double chin

it's like a muffin top smuggled under my chin. i will refer to my DC as a muffin smuggler from now on. it is the cousin of the raisin smuggler but 20x more durrrty.

5. reinventions
of self, of surroundings. everything! but will i actually do any of it? meh. creepiest picture ever, btw.

SUMmer.

this has been my laziest summer ever. i didn't take classes and i didn't work unless you count frequenting grocery stores and yogurt places as work. i don't either.

some things i have done so far this summer:

1. eaten too much frozen yogurt.
2. bought a 10 class pass to yoga and went exactly once.
3. decided on my major(s).
4. been to starbucks too often to wallow in misery with megan.
5. seen two shooting stars while wallowing in misery with megan.
6. made up my very own song about ingrown toenails.
7. got covertly stuck inside a giant playground dome.
8. grew giant sunflowers(!!!).
9. raced around suburban streets in my wee honda.
10. watched season 1 and 2 of real housewives of new york. soon followed by lamenting over waste of time.

some things i want to have done by the end of the summer:

1. kayak! i want to do this every summer until i die (preferably in a kayak).
2. extreme hiking and hopefully not finding a dead body like in an episode of csi (things are getting taking a morbid turn).
3. find pyramid studded jewelry to feed my new pyramid studded jewelry love.
4. dance in beach sand.
5. go somewhere new new new.
6. cut my hair shorter than its ever been.
7. dance my ass off (with or without beach sand).
8. find a pair of skinny black pants that are a) flattering and b) not destined to make my bottom half look like a lumpy snickers bar with muffin tops and a saggy ass diaper to boot.
9. watch a movie/read a book that makes me rethink everything (in a positive manner).
10. do something bold.

Being That Girl: The Femi-Bitch Edition

I wake up generally early. Doing so, I turn on the tv at around 10 am and start watching The Doctors due to lack of cable and morning awareness. The premise of the show is to have four doctors from four different specialties who give medical advice via tv. The most outspoken doctor is a hot little thang named Dr. Travis Stork, who is the very epitome of the "I Want to Marry a Doctor" fantasy. Here he is.



However, once Doctor Douche started to speak, all of his doctorsexy went flying out of the proverbial window. He has a strange frat boy twang and usually makes awkward jokes at the expense of poop and ovaries and has smugface! grunt. Worst of all, he portrays himself as an expert on women, relationships and what we're doing wrong.



So Dr. Douche has a book out called "Don't Be That Girl: A Guide to Finding the Confident, Rational Girl Within". In it, he tells women to not expect to see the man you're dating on fridays/saturdays for the first few months. Also, don't expect to be given a drawer at his apartment and don't demand it either. What else? get the ring in 18 months or leave the guy!

Here's where my femibitch kicks in. This guy was on The Bachelor. You know, the show where one guy dates 25 women at once and the women shit themselves for a chance to be given a rose. Dr. Douche stated he went on The Bachelor to find a wife, marry, and have a perfect life. All within the compressed time capsule that is The Bachelor's set in a romantic place with 25 beautiful women all vying to play doctor with him.



How is it that he can make out with multiple women who catfight in the house all day and then claim he's so in love with yet again, multiple women? He was on a show that not only pits women against each other but puts the man in such a position as to have his pick of the litter. Then he goes on to write a book basically telling ladies to not do what was seen on the very show that gave him his initial fame.



In the end, everybody has a sense of what they should and should not do. I can't tell you what will bring a man around and what will repel him like last week's dirty diapers because who am I to say that? But being happy with who you are and where you are is always good advice. Also, even if the men don't come flocking around, shit. At least you're still happy.

boom! i got your virginity.

said i to my new blogspot.

after give and take 6 years of being in a dedicated blog relationship with xanga, i have decided to move on.

given that i was not the most attentive lover to my xanga, only posting every few weeks hurr and thurr, i will try to be a better internet addict and write/love/sum up my questionable summer days more often.

so i ran on the treadmill today. i don't ever exercise other than walking around a mall/to class/to the fridge so it was hell. pure hell. i would have started crying if i didn't sweat all the moisture out of my body from that half a mile.

now i'm thinking about people who look like prunes.